Social etiquette around expressions of love is often deep-rooted in culture, and, when it comes to Valentine’s Day in Japan, the conventions of this imported celebration have followed their own distinct evolution.
The day provides an opportunity to express your feelings not only towards your favourite person (honmei), but also to work colleagues, friends, carers, your idols – and even yourself – with the gift of the perfect chocolate.
Valentine’s Day in Japan is very much centred on confectionery. The day was originally brought to Japan by Kobe confectioners Morozoff, and marketed to overseas residents. In the Japanese version of the day, the general rule is that men receive gifts of chocolate from the women in their lives. The first heart-shaped chocolates – created by Tokyo chocolatier Mary’s – appeared in Japanese department stores in the late 1950s but it was with the growth of consumer culture in the 1970s that the Valentine’s Day phenomenon really gained momentum.
It was around this time too that Japanese women began to wonder aloud why it was that men got Valentine’s Day but there was no equivalent for women. Japanese marketeers answered the call and a confectioner in Fukuoka, Kyushu, devised ‘Marshmallow Day’ – the idea that evolved into White Day (14 March), as a day for reciprocal gift-giving to women.
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These days, each February and March, Japanese shops and departments stores offer an array of chocolates and other confections, in elaborate flavours – from yuzu to pineapple and watermelon – often presented in pink-hued packaging. In addition, there’s a choco for every situation: honmei-choco (true love chocolate) for your one true love, giri-choco (obligation chocolate) for your co-workers and tomo-choco (friend chocolate) for your friends.
Eye-catching seasonal products from popular Japanese brands, including Morozoff and Meiji, and even the ubiquitous Kit-Kat (which has been in the country since 1973), abound, but French and Belgian chocolatiers (Lindt, Godiva, Pierre Marcolini, Pierre Hermé, Le Chocolat Alain Ducasse) are also highly coveted, with most revealing limited-edition creations and flavours especially for the occasion. Some customers make advance reservations with shops to avoid the crowds and secure their favourite Valentine’s Day assortments.
White chocolate and marshmallows are popular reciprocal gifts given to women on White Day, alongside cosmetics and jewellery. And, while people no longer necessarily subscribe to the convention of sanbai gaeshi (triple the return), White Day gifts are usually expected to be of higher value than those received on Valentine’s Day.
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Such conventions can be a minefield, as any office worker in the late 1980s and early 1990s would attest. Then, Valentine’s Day came under criticism for the heavily-marketed practice of giri-choco (‘obligation chocolate’) that made many female workers feel compelled to give chocolate to their male colleagues. In turn, men would often feel obliged to respond on White Day. The chain of obligation might even extend to a man’s wife, if he turned to her to choose and buy his reciprocal gifts for him. For teenage girls, the Valentine’s Day situation could also present challenges: would your high-school crush accept your homemade honmei-choco? Or might the recipient of your tomo-choco misinterpret your platonic gift as a declaration of true love? And a teenage boy might run the risk of receiving nothing at all.
While the social norms around giving and receiving gifts on Valentine’s and White Days focus on relationships between men and women, the broader significance of a day dedicated to expressions of love has recently been seen as an opportunity by campaigners from LGBTQ+ communities in Japan. In 2019 a series of co-ordinated lawsuits aimed at allowing same-sex marriage under Japanese law were launched on 14 February. While the issue is still unresolved, the symbolism of the timing on Valentine’s Day represented an attempt to ensure it is discussed in the context of love between two people.
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In addition, recently there are indications that the pressures some people have felt in relation to the two days have eased. Surveys show that young people no longer feel bound by ‘outdated’ social conventions and are increasingly giving up on giri-choco. Jibun-choco (chocolate for me) – in which someone buys a treat for themselves – is a trend that might reflect a societal shift towards the individual: it may be people feel they no longer need rely on others for validation. Meanwhile, social media is driving the rise of oshi-choco, a new trend in which devoted young people post photos and reels of treats they would love to share with their celebrity idols on Valentine’s Day – a kind of virtual gifting for the digital age. Happily, for unashamed romantics, Valentine’s Day in Japan still offers the opportunity for a grand gesture: a honmei may surprise his lover on 14 February with gyaku-choco (reverse chocolate), foregoing the convention of waiting until White Day to indulge his Valentine.
While the lead up to Valentine’s Day and White Day remains an unabashed retail opportunity for Japanese confectioners and department stores, there is the feeling that Valentine’s Day, in particular, is shedding its more cynical commercial origins and evolving into a celebration of love in all its forms. It is increasingly regarded more as an opportunity to express gratitude, joy and happiness to those people who are important in one’s life, including family (with kazoku-choco) and caregivers (with sewa-choco). Mothers and children will take time to create handmade chocolates or cakes for husbands or fathers, or to choose a thoughtful gift for a dear friend; employees might take a box of sweets to the office to share with all of their colleagues, whatever their gender. Crucially, in the new order, there is a move toward gifts that are given without obligation and with a sincere heart.